Today's the last day of November, so let's end it by doing something a little bit different!

I'll give you a movie's year, the character's real name, and the actor who portrayed him or her- you give me the character's better known name or nickname. You'll get bonus points in my book if you can name three of the movies, and an air high five if you can name all 5 movies.

1978, John Blutarsky, played by John Belushi
1986, Pete Mitchell, played by Tom Cruise
1991, Jame Gumb, played by Ted Levine
2003, James P. Sullivan, played by John Goodman
2009, Claireece P. Jones, played by Gabourey Sidibe

Oh, and by the way, I'm giving away a $35 gift card on my blog, and today's the last day to enter! Click HERE for your chance to win!

ANSWERS:
Bluto, Animal House
Maverick, Top Gun
Buffalo Bill, The Silence of the Lambs
Sully, Monster's Inc
Precious, Precious

Twelve iPad Apps for Young Professionals

It seems that over the years, gadgets get smaller, faster and more efficient. Just 15 years ago, people had big, clunky computers running Windows 95 (and even then, we thought those computers were small). Now, gadgets like the iPad are small, nimble, and pack more features than ever- not to mention that they're affordable. If you're young (like me) and are a professional (like me) and own an iPad (like me), then here are 12 apps that will help you streamline your workload, your class work, and your personal life.

1. iWork, $9.99 per app

iWork may be on the expensive end of the office suite spectrum in the App Store, but let me tell you- you get what you pay for. Apple has put together a robust, effective trio of software options for the iPad. The best part? You can buy all three apps separately at $9.99 a pop. Keynote is the best of the three, as putting together presentations on the fly is simple and fun. Pages and Numbers are great as well, and they serve their purpose. All three can import and export documents as iWork files or Microsoft Office files. My only complaint is that iWork uses a limited number of fonts, so not all documents translate well.

2. Bento, $4.99

Bento, to put it best, is a database app. That means that tasks like billing, inventory tracking, and other information strongholds can be stored here. If you have the Bento program for your Mac, you can sync data between the two.

3. Zillow, FREE

Are you a young professional looking to relocate? Tired of your dorm, that crappy apartment, or even your city? Check out Zillow. You can set parameters for what type of housing you're looking for, how much you like to pay, and Presto! Zillow pinpoints all your search results on its map, complete with address, pictures, and the realtor's contact information. Even if you're looking for a full fledged home, Zillow tracks not just homes on the market, but homes that aren't but have a "Make Me Move" classification as well. Highly recommended.

 4. Linked in, FREE

Linked in is actually an iPhone app, but since all iPhone apps are compatible with the iPad and the screen size can be magnified, I'm counting it in this list anyways. It does all the basic features that you can do on the website, and that's all you'll need- after all Farmville and your professional life should never meet...unless....you work for the company that created Farmville.

5a. Pulse News Reader, FREE

The best customizable news reader on the iPad, hands down. For the longest time, I used Flipboard, which is also pretty awesome. My biggest gripe with Flipboard, however, was that it wouldn't allow me to import blog feeds. Pulse allows me to import blogs, tweets, Facebook pages, and full fledged websites (Pulse finds the RSS feed). This is the only third party app in my dock, and for good reason.

5b. Flipboard, FREE

UPDATE: Flipboard was named the iPad App of The Year for 2010, and for good reason. I blasted Flipboard in my blurb about Pulse, the app directly above this one, but a major update to Flipboard added blog/RSS capabilities, as well as a slew of other improvements that really make this app the quintessential digital magazine. This should probably be the first app you download when you receive your iPad, but if you're not into the magazine style, try Pulse. 

6. Skype, FREE

Here's another iPhone size-doubled app. Okay, so you may not have video. But you still have free Skype-to Skype voice and IM chatting. In addition, most Bluetooth headsets are compatible, so this app is still versatile. In addition, you can make calls to any phone line for merely $2.95 a month. With multitasking causing Skype to update its app to be iOS 4.2 compliant, you can keep it running in the background while you work, and it will notify you when a call comes in. In addition, Skype has added video functionality for those who use the app on an iPhone/iPod Touch. With cameras being added to the second generation iPad, this app will increase the value of the iPad to not only the casual users, but also to the corporate world.

7. USA Today, FREE

USA Today is the canned comedy routine to Pulse's Second City improv. While there's no customization of USA Today other than the weather settings, there's still a lot to like here. The layout is superb, and a free app that sends you national headlines straight from the paper itself every morning is a nice change from the overpriced Wall Street Journal.. Last month, I stayed at a hotel that left free USA Today papers at the doors of all guests. I fingered through the paper, and at the very least, all of the headline stories were already on my iPad version. They weren't shortened "free versions" they didn't require a subscription to read, and I got all of the same pictures, except mine were crisper. The app also includes the daily USA Today crossword puzzle-what more could I ask for?

8. Kayak, FREE

In the past year, Kayak has gotten a lot of publicity, and rightly so- they're trying to compete with the more established Expedia and Travelocity- no small feat. In essence, they're no different than either of those two sites...except in the app department. Looking at the screenshot above is a good representation of how to describe the app- it's informative. You've got a small search box, a map, a list of previous searches, and a hotel slider to the right with options for your destination city. The cherry on top is the Explore feature- it allows travelers to broaden their horizons. Say you want to travel over the summer, but you don't know when. Just set your parameters to June-August, then select your preferred activities, price, and temperature, and Kayak fetches the lowest flight for every qualifying city. Most excellent.

9. Blackboard, FREE

Most college students have to use Blackboard at one point or another, so it's nice to know you can have it at your fingertips. Blackboard is a college file-sharing program that allows teachers to post announcements, class materials and grades. Not much else to this app, but it gets the job done when you're trying to use your iPad as a super-student assistant.

10. Dropbox, FREE

Dropbox, a file sharing app, is a great way to store important files online that you;ll need access too elsewhere. The great part is that you can add users to your dropbox, effectively creating the perfect collaborative software. You can upload your part of the proposal, while Mike and Sue can download it from their end and add their parts and re-upload. It's like having a download base without needing a website!

11. iStudiez Pro, $1.99

the iPad may have the iCal app, but it can't track your school assignments and their respective grades, now can it? iStudiez has an assignment tracker, notification when they're almost due, and you can personalize the grading scale (Sure, Mom! Of course a sixty percent is an A minus!), since every school varies. It may not be totally necessary, but for two bucks, it's a nice addition to your home page.

12. CourseSmart, FREE

Textbooks are way too expensive, not to mention that you don't hold on to half of them after the end of the semester anyway. CourseSmart is here to remedy that. For 180 days, you can rent an e-textbook and use it to your heart's content. The app allows you to highlight, take annotations, and much more. Even better is that most textbooks normally cost between $60 and $85. Since a new textbook normally costs $200 and you sell it back for around $100, you still lose $100. So why not save a little more for you Broke College Student Fund?

If you were to download every app on this list, you could have a professionally stocked iPad for about $40, and that's not a bad deal. Most of the financial weight comes from the iWork suite, and not everyone will download the whole trio of apps. If I missed an app that you think is worthy of this list, or if you think an app on this list isn't so great, add a comment to the post!

SPECIAL: READER GIVEAWAY!

Hey all! Well, it seems SOMEONE has been reading my blog...and because of that, one of you readers will actually benefit from it!

CSN is an online shopper's dream- it's comprised of more than 200 online stores that contain a smorgasbord of merchandise! You can buy a bevy of cookware to make your holiday dinner just perfect, or a suitcase if you're one of those "out of town" types that can't get away fast enough. Regardless of your holiday social preferences, you can also buy toys, bedding, power tools, and even shoes- these people have got you covered!

How does this benefit you? Well, the good people over at CSN Stores have been kind enough to supply me with a $35 gift certificate to help you get your holiday shopping started on the right foot! The best part? You don't have to buy anything from me first! You'll gain an entry in the drawing every time you make a comment on this blog entry- only post once a day. The last day for you to enter will be on November 30th, which means you can get up to NINE entries in the drawing! On December 1st, I'll draw the winner by random number generator. For example, if there are 300 posts, I'll set the generator for a number between 1 and 300. If 246 comes up, the person with post #246 wins the contest.

So post early, and post often to get a $35 head start on your holiday shopping! Don't forget to shop at http://www.csnstores.com/ for tons of great deals!

Thanksgiving Preview Spectacular: Super Sloppy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is the time to be with your family and loved ones. But what if your family has some deep-seated hostility towards one another? As some of you know, I'm a big game show fan. So when this showed up on Collegehumor.com during the 2006 Thanksgiving season, it became one of my all-time favorite videos on the site. I don't want to ruin it for you, but I will say that this is probably what the holidays are like for people who lose on Family Feud.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Thanksgiving Preview Spectacular: SNL and Guy Fieri

From now until Thanksgiving, I'll be making entries that will get you ready for the glutton-fest. First up is something that happened on SNL just last night- a spot on impersonation of Guy Fieri. Fieri is played by Bobby Moynihan, an SNL player who was promoted to series regular for this season. If he keeps doing sketches that are this funny, he'll become one of my favorites really quickly.

Failure is an option...isn't it?

So I still have yet to get a grade lower than a C on any of my assignments in grad school. Most of the time, my motivation for studying is to learn the material and do better in my classes. But every now and then, there's that class or two where you go the extra mile just to keep above water. Face it- every college student goes through it. Usually, this situation comes about when there's a class that you HAVE to take, rather than a tough elective. Whether your class was a requirement or an elective, remember this quote from Michael Jordan:

"I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying."

You're in college! Push yourself to the limit academically! Even if you fail and are forced to drop a class, you will have gained new knowledge, new friends, new contacts, and a new appreciation for a subject you may not have known about. Furthermore, failure can help you decide how much you love your major and may help you reevaluate whether or not you want to change your major. I was a communications major, and no matter how low I may have gotten in some of my classes, I still loved what I did- that's how I knew I was in the right field; even when they're getting hit, boxers still get up and work harder to keep fighting. Even when a doctor can't find a cure, he goes right back to the drawing board to figure out the problem. Love for your profession is a powerful thing; even when you fail, you still succeed. So learn from your failures! Seize the day!

The 2010 McRib Reunion Tour

Ladies and gentlemen, pandemonium has come about America that has not been seen since the Beatles made their way across the pond. That can mean only one thing.

The McRib has returned.

For about a month each year, the McRib re-graces the menu at McDonald's. The sandwich started as a Midwestern test item in the early 80s, only to go national and be discontinued in 1985. Currently, Germany is the only country that sells the McRib year round. It was brought back as a promotional item in 1994, but it turns out that diners craved the McRib. So McDonald's made it a yearly tradition. Thus, the legend of the McRib was born.

Let me make this clear: I have NEVER had a McRib. NEVER. But this year, I will experience the phenomenon. I'm actually really looking forward to it- I mean, people wouldn't flock to this sandwich like this if it wasn't good. In addition, none of my three roommates have had one so we're going to head to McDonald's before December 5th, which is TECHNICALLY the final day the sandwich is to be sold.

There's a reason why I say "technically." Some stores still have yet to sell off their whole supply by that date, so there are actually groups of people out there who turn into nomads, sniffing out the Mickey D's who sell after the end date. It's like following a rock band, or those people in post-apocalyptic movies who are desperately searching for food and rely on rumors alone to set their paths. Let's face it- the only other McDonald' sandwich that has gotten this much publicity is the McGriddle, and they sell that year round, so it's not as exclusive. But I bet you if they sold it in spurts like the McRib, the same thing would happen.

Let me just say that the marketing is genius by McDonald's. They're taking an item that would undoubtedly sell well if sold year round, and giving it to people in spurts. they are holding the figurative "carrot on a stick" (although this is the farthest thing from a carrot) here, and they have it at exactly the right height. That, potentially, could have been risky. Another fast food joint could have offered a similar sandwich to fill the void left by the McRib, but nobody has stepped up to that plate. Also, for those of you who complain about why the sandwich is year round, consider this: Every restaurant would then have to increase storage capacity for the custom buns, McRibs, the special-cut onions, and the barbecue sauce- I'm pretty sure they don't have any other menu items that use those onions or a steady stream of barbecue sauce. That costs extra money (and possibly takes storage from better selling menu items), and if the McRib doesn't exceed its costs, then it's not smart to keep it on the menu. Having the McRib for a month requires a temporary shift in stock count, as well as no permanent changes to the menu or POS system.

So hit up the closest McDonald's by December 5th! Experience the revolution! Take part in the pandemonium! Immerse yourself in McRib Mania!

When Mall Stores Go Bad

I love the atmosphere of a mall. The hustle and bustle, the energy that people have just by knowing it's a lazy Saturday afternoon (way to contradict myself!), and the carefree nature of shoppers without a purpose makes it a fun place to be. I've been to many malls over the years and have found offense with a few of them- most of my gripes are directed toward the purpose of these stores, not necessarily the stores themselves. So, in no particular order, here are the stores, in no particular order, that are highest up on my list of irritating stores.

1. Sunglass Hut

Ooh, upscale. Still doesn't change the fact that there are 13 inches of snow outside, and unless Little Miss Socialite is visiting town, nobody in Minneapolis wears sunglasses in this weather.

Let's be honest- unless you live in a constantly sunny environment, this place has no relevance from September until May. So explain this to me- why does every Chicago mall have a kiosk dedicated to this anomaly? I mean, doesn't paying a year's worth of rent in places like Chicago do something to their bottom line financially? Doesn't anybody at the company notice this? Who knows- maybe the bigwigs at Sunglass Hut are wearing figurative shades. All I know is that I've seen some extremely bored salespeople at Sunglass Hut during this time of year around my parts.

2. White Barn Candle Company

WHAT? THIS CANDLE COST ME EIGHTEEN BUCKS? Oh....it really does smell like a vanilla cookie.

The one thing it seems that malls are good at is constructing stores that sell only one item and attracting idiots to the mall to purchase it. This is the case with White Barn Candle. To make matters worse, these candles are overpriced- they cost like twenty bucks apiece! With the money that people spend here, they could actually pay their electric bill or buy some Lysol to mask their apparent residential odors.

3. Claire's

I wonder if they pierce ears here....

Another niche store, but at least it's cheap. Every mall has one no matter how desolate the mall is, and the only reason people go is for the free ear piercings. It's irritating because I see 14 year-old Bieber wannabes shamefully go there to get their ears pierced, but that makes it kinda funny, too.

4. Finish Line/Champs/Footlocker/FootAction

Let's be honest- you wouldn't know which one it was if the huge Foot Locker sign wasn't hanging there.

It seems that there's some sort of mandate that every mall has to have at least three of these four shoe stores. I understand that if there's only one, they can potentially jack up the prices, but that's beyond the point here. The three of these stores all look the same, and for the most part, are selling the exact same shoes, playing the same music, and playing the same tired music videos and basketball mixtapes on their screens. Even that I don't mind. What really irks me is the fact that most of these stores have given me bad service. I've seen everything from employees talking back to eye rolling when I ask for another size. It wouldn't surprise me if they were all owned by the same entity like, oh, say, BET?

5. Abercrombie and Fitch

Unless you're part of a local Polar Bear club, you probably shouldn't be shirtless in winter. Someone relay that message to this guy.

This store irritates me the worst because it does it on a personal level- it's everything that the store seems to stand for. Same uniformity as the shoe stores, but it's irritating for other reasons. This store is one of the most whitewashed in mall history, ranking right up there with Hollister, Ruehl, and American Eagle. It's a shame too, because they have a lot of pretty good clothes there...and why is there always a shirtless guy in one of the posters? I can understand summer, but winter? When he's posing in a snowy forest? Sorry sir- I think I'll put on a sweater this season.

What I don't understand is how 14 year olds can go into a store whose prices are that high and come out with bags and bags of clothes. I'm not against parents allowing to give their kids a comfortable living- I hope to do that for my kids one day. But comfortable living does not mean that 13 year old Madison should be able to waltz into A&F with her mother's credit card and buy a bunch of $58 polos and $89 jeans without hesitating.

I will say this- pumping cologne into the vents is a nice touch- the amount is a little much, but I will admit that with a more "discrete" scent (i.e. one not smelling of shirtless douchebag), it's a pretty good idea.

6. Day To Day Calendar Company

Excuse me? I need a Peanuts calendar, a datebook, a Bathroom Facts Day To Day pull off, and one of the ones with the nekkid ladies in it.

Don't act like you don't know about this store. Usually around this time of year, they set up shop in the old Sam Goody that's been closed for 6 years (you know your mall never actually found a replacement for it) for about two months and sell all sorts of themed calendars. That's all well and good, but there's a problem: THEY ACT LIKE THEY DON'T WANT TO MAKE ANY FUCKING MONEY. Let's take a look see here. Most of the time, they stay open through the first couple days of January. The problem, though, is that they slash their prices by more than half when they reopen after Christmas. Why is that? Nobody gives calendars as gifts, so why not wait until after the new year has started to cut prices- it's not like the product is about to expire or anything. Besides, most people don't even realize that they need a new calendar/plan book until AFTER the new year comes in. This is really bad strategy on the part of the calendar store. Just terrible.

7. McDonald's

There are so many other great Trans-fat laden options to go with.
Everybody in their right mind knows Sbarro > McDonald's.

Your mall has a Great Steak and Potato, a Mrs. Fields, a Hot Dog on a Stick, an Auntie Anne's, and A GODDAMN SBARRO, AND YOU CHOOSE TO EAT AT McDONALD'S? Crawl in a hole somewhere. Nothing against McDonald's, but when I'm in a mall, I want to eat at mall franchises, not some evil franchise who has no place being there. You will never find me eating at a mall's Taco Bell, McDonald's, Burger King, etc. anytime soon.

So what did I miss? What other stores make you scratch your head? Post your suggestions in the box below or email me at jeremynelson1987@gmail.com- if there are enough, I'll compile a Reader's Edition!

The Three Towers of Trivia, November 16

Since the Facebook game is taking a break to scarf down some turkey next week, I may pose some old questions from the archive to keep you guessing!

What first name is shared by Mr. Ratburn of the PBS series Arthur, the producer of the TV series American Idol, and the host of a fictional documentary series on Nickelodeon?

What candy's wrapper features a smiling red balloon on it?

iPhones are to iOS as Palm phones are to what?

The 2010 MLS season culminates with the MLS Cup this coming Sunday. Name the two teams playing in that championship game.

The Internet, Circa 1969

One of my first blog posts was a look at how incredibly accurately Arthur C. Clarke predicted the iPad in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Well today, I come to you with a video Daily Double- this video shows the uses of a computer-specifically, some mockups of what appear to be predictions of online shopping, online banking, and video surveillance (Skype?). I don't know what the source of this video is, but since this device obviously wasn't available for sale, I'm guessing that the video came from either a science expo or a documentary television show.

Note the husband's reaction when he sees the bills from his wife's purchases- it's priceless.

The Waters Have Settled

Today, I have reached a milestone that I've been waiting to reach for about two months now. It's taken longer than I expected, but I've done it.

I, Jeremy Nelson, finally feel totally comfortable at my job.

When I was an intern at Kurtis Productions through the University of Dreams Program (Now Dream Careers), I was told during our orientation session that it usually takes interns anywhere from one to two weeks to finally feel totally comfortable in their new roles. Naturally, I expected that to carry over into my new job at the Department of Transportation. Wrong!

It's a little weird, because I'm used to working in big open spaces and not rows and rows of cubicles. At first, I felt a little closed off rom the rest of the office, partly because my cubicle is in a corner in the very back of the office. I knew I wasn't going to get an office or anything, but I didn't think I'd be this far away from people, either.

Don't get me wrong; the people at my job are freindly and quite easy to get along with. But when I have to leave my cubicle to complete a task of some sort, I only really have time to say "Hi!" and "How are you?" because I want to stay on task. Of course, that makes this whole ordeal my fault in the end for not sticking around longer, because I'm under the influence that everybody else has important work to do, not time to jab with the college student.

Of course, assumptions are terrible things, and I soon realized that people here really don't hesitate to take the time out to ask you how your day is going or how your life is going in general. Unfortunately, it took me two months to really understand that. Well, late is better than never, right?

If you're at a job and feel alone or shut out, make a conscious effort to get up and move around the office in your few spare minutes. Don't hesitate to actually talk to the people who you say hello to on a daily basis- you'll find that it means something to you and them. I wouldn't turn it into a full on conversation, but 90 seconds to trade weekend stories goes a long way.

Qranking out Questions

If you don't know yet, I'm a HUGE trivia buff. So it comes as no surprise that Qrank is one of my favorite trivia apps on the iOS, and even if you don't have an iDevice, you can still play the game by finding it on Facebook. The best part? IT'S FREE.

A game of Qrank in progress. Note the
three current events questions in the
400 point zone marked with a leaf. There's
also a question counter at the top that
keeps a tally of right and wrong answers
for that game.

The premise is simple: there's a game board with 20 questions, as seen to the right. Questions are ordered by difficulty and split into zones worth 200, 400, and 1000 points. Each day, 4 different categories are used, and any unused question with a leaf on it means that the question covers current events, so if you're an avid news reader, you're more apt to be more successful with those questions. You can play any 15 questions on the board, but the big catch is that you can only play the game once a day. So once you've played all 15 questions, you're done.

The game has a cavalcade of achievement badges attached to it- one of the most notorious being one that requires you to play the game every day for 365 days. But the one that I was most adamant about earning is called "Published", and is only given to players whose submitted questions are used in the game. It's a really smart way for Qrank's creators to generate content without running into writer's block.

So I've submitted a couple questions, but imagine my surprise when I saw that I had earned the Published Badge myself. I was a little nervous because I hadn't played the game in about a week, and my question could have been used anytime over that span. But I was lucky enough to catch it on the day it was used- the writers edited my question by switching the question content and the post-question anecdote, but I'm ecstatic that it was even used in the first place. Check it out below- sorry I didn't get screens of the four answer choices.

If you're not playing Qrank, you need to. Even if you're not a trivia buff, it's a great way to spend a couple of minutes each day- hey, you may even have a shot at beating my score!

Google Loves Me, This I Know

Not too long after I posted the latest set of trivia questions, Drew Scott from the incredibly awesome blog Blasters to Babies told me that he looked up the answer to one of my trivia questions, and lo and behold, my blog was the #1 return on Google. Drew even captured the screen, so I could trophy it around all day and night.

Life is good if you're the Trivia and Pancakes man.

The Three Towers of Trivia, November 9

Another Tuesday, another set of questions- Answer if you dare.

A famous Saturday Night Live sketch from the 1980s involved what singer having a Celebrity Hot Tub Party?

San Francisco has taken the first steps in becoming the first US city to potentially not offer what in a Happy Meal?

Tim Kitzrow gained fame as the play by play announcer for what sports game series?

Known for their K-Cup brewing system, what company also makes their own line of single-serve coffee makers?

What Las Vegas hotel was famous for a 1980 fire, a 1986 sale to Bally's, and a totally new iteration which opened in 1993?

ANSWERS:
1. James Brown
2. Toy
3. NBA Jam
4. Keurig
5. MGM Grand

Two Tiers in a Bucket

Revolutionary changes are on the horizon for the NFL. They are addressing safety concerns (even if their concern rivals that of an overprotective mother), a new CBA is on the horizon, and there's a very good chance that the league will extend play to 18 games in the near future. But one thing that I wish the league would do is create a two tiered system like in British Football.

In a tiered league, you have the top half of teams playing in one division, while the lower half play in another. At the end of each season (or a cycle of seasons in some cases), the best teams in the bottom league replace the worst teams in the top league. The promotion/demotion system forces teams to play their best year round, especially those who play in the upper league and fear demotion.

There are 32 teams in the NFL. What you do is you put the top 16 teams in the upper conference and the other half in the bottom. For the sake of things needing names, we'll call the upper conference Tier 1 and the lower conference Tier 2. You play each team in your tier once, which is 15 games, and you play 3 opponents in the other tier, supporting the league's goal to move to an 18 game season. Playoff spots go to the top 8 Tier 1 teams, and the Top 4 Tier 2 teams would act as Wild Cards in the current system, playing teams 5-8 in the Wild Card playoff week. In soccer, Tier 2 teams can only look forward to getting promoted, as the overall championship is only for Tier 1 teams. At least in my system, any team can make it to the Superbowl, allowing fans to make a fain investment in their team since they're not doomed from the start.

At the end of each season, the top 6 Tier 2 teams move up into Tier 1, where they replace the 6 worst teams there. This makes teams more responsible to the welfare of the game, and not to obtaining a high draft spot. People will be more apt to ask their teams "Why can't we get promoted and not just "Why don't we make the playoffs?" Tiering gives teams another way to take small steps toward becoming a better team. Instead of having to make goals that are three season away (like taking a cellar team to the playoffs), a smaller, yet more achievable goal in the short run would be to earn one of the 6 spots into Tier 1.

A two tiered system would also make it easier for more markets to enter the NFL, as the system would allow any competent market to enter Tier 2, even if just on a 5 year trial basis. Instead of having to re-do schedules and restructure divisions, all you have to do is add a team into Tier 2. For every pair of teams that enter the league (and this wouldn't happen very often), you even the number of teams in each tier. Schedule-wise, the tier with the extra team plays one less inter-league game. The league requires a 65,000 stadium seat minimum for a team to be considered for entry into the NFL, but there is no reason why Toronto and Los Angeles should not have NFL teams now. A more open league entry policy would make this system really work, but knowing the NFL, the interest always have been and always will be those of the owners. No commissioner is going to have balls to stand up to the owners and say "Hey, this is about creating a competitive environment for all parties involved, not making you a truckload of money." Somewhere along the way, the love of the sport got lost in the mix, and the NFL has lost its way.

Angry Birds Makes Me Happy

I've come to the conclusion that an iPhone user has no choice but to download Angry Birds. Sure, to some of you, this may be crazy game-loving Jeremy stuffing more content down your throat, but believe me on this one- you will thank me later.

At 99 cents, Angry Birds doesn't require you to make a huge financial decision, yet it comes jam packed with content which the developer, Rovio, keeps updating. All in all, the game touts 195 levels and counting, and let me tell you, conquering them is no easy task.

Here's the very odd plot: A group of birds are watching over a set of unhatched eggs. The birds are so protective that the second a mosquito lands on one, the birds then proceed to give him a mob-style beating. While this beating is going on, a set of pigs nearby are eating grass. Seemingly unsatisfied with their meal, the pigs spot the eggs and decide that the eggs would make a better meal. So they steal the eggs and the birds, horrified that they let such a thing happen, become angry and vengeful. Hence, Angry Birds.

Anyways, the pigs have retreated to structures made of glass, wood, and stone in what eventually escalates to a twisted version of The Three Little Pigs.. At the start of each level, you're given a set amount of birds and a slingshot. Your job is to launch the birds at these structures and "kill" the pigs living inside them. Make no mistake, these birds are on a serious kamikaze-type mission.

The Three Little Pigs this is not.

To help you out, each bird has a different ability. The basic red bird works like a cannonball, while the yellow one thrusts itself at a high velocity. The blue bird splits into three, another acts as a boomerang, and another acts as a ticking time bomb. The structures start out easy enough, but as you gradually move through the game, things start to pick up. You may be given birds that really aren't suited to take down certain structures. The structures are made of more stone than wood or glass, and the structures themselves are more architecturally sound in that they use a lot of triangles and reinforcement so that it takes quite a bit of damage to topple them.

Make no mistake though- this game is addictive. Because a level can take you less than a minute to complete, it's easy to pick the game up and play anytime you have a couple of free minutes. Like I said, it's 99 cents, and if you have an iPad, the HD version is $5- a steeper investment, but considering the larger screen and better graphics, it's still worth it. Either way, there's a reason why this game has been a top seller since it's release, and I hope you buy it and find out why for yourself.

Dumbing Us Down in 30 Second Intervals

I am a proud man. I stand by my fellow man when he is wronged, and justice must be served. Now women do have a lot of double standards to work through, but there is one that they never mention: Women who bond against men are seen as strong, independent, and brave. Men who bond against women are seen as chauvinist pigs. I like women...a lot....but I'll risk looking like a chauvinist if it means standing up for what I feel is wrong. If you read my title, you may be able to infer what I'm going to go after here.

Yep, it's those damn TV commercials that make men look like complete idiots.

I'm sure some women will read this and day to themselves "But men are stupid!". Hold the phone. We may do some things that make us SEEM stupid, but we are far from it. Moreover, all women aren't that clever.

And these ads are EVERYWHERE. According to these ads, women are flawlessly outfoxing, manipulating, and outthinking their husbands, boyfriends, brothers, and potential suitors. Not only that, but where do they find the men for these commercials? Most of these guys are greasy, overweight, bumbling fools who probably are pretty dumb in real life. Not once have I seen a commercial where men turn the tables on women.

Sure, I understand that companies want to appeal to women, as they are more active consumers than men. But do we have to appeal to women at the expense of making our gender look like imbeciles? Does it take that level of coddling and compliment-fishing to make women choose one brand over another?

Here are some of my favorite examples- one DiGiorno pizza commercial has a wife questioning her husband about mud tracks on their carpet. He lies and says it was the pizza guy, but then she finds out at the end of the commercial that it was actually her husband, who left the DiGiorno box on the kitchen counter. Sure, he probably shouldn't have told the lie, but if I were going to do that, I would have destroyed the evidence first.

Another recent Sprint commercial that touts their new all-in-one unlimited 3G package starts with a guy and a girl sitting at a diner. She sends him a text right there saying she wants to break up. While she's overenthusiastic about it, he seems kinda dejected. To make matters worse, she rubs salt in his wounds by changing her Facebook relationship status, sending him an email, all with a grin on her face.  Then, to top it all off, she calls him WHILE SITTING RIGHT ACROSS FROM HIM. Not exactly subtle about the breakup, now is she? I've got a sinking feeling she'd been a cheating whore for the past couple of months anyways. That guy can do better.

There's another where the guy is tying a fan to his cat's tail to get a stagnant air freshener to spread a fragrance in their home. His wife then rolls her eyes, gives him a pitied look, and plugs in a Glade Air Freshener. I don't think any man would be dumb enough to try that, let alone be concerned about the fact that his house doesn't smell like fresh lilies.

Last, but not least, is a Domino's commercial. The husband says to his wife that the pizza will arrive in 30 minutes, comes out in a silk robe, and basically proposes a round of sex. She then says to him in a deadpan/cut-down (i.e. Leah Remini-like) way "Well, what are we gonna do with the other 28 minutes?". The only person to ever pull that line off and be funny was Mrs. Roper on Three's Company....God bless that woman.

Here's the way I see it....it's unhealthy to make new friends by making fun of old ones. Same applies here- I hate these commercials, and although they don't affect my decision making, they're not enjoyable. I'd like to laugh or be influenced to buy something when I see a commercial, and not have to go "man, that's fucked up" every 30 seconds.

I am Man, hear me roar.

The Three Towers of Trivia, November 2

Happy Tuesday! Here are your questions:

With 918 deaths, what single event caused the largest death of American citizens in a non-natural disaster until the events of 9/11?

What famous battle is the focal point of Shakespeare's play Henry V?

The Chilean flag most resembles the flag of which U.S. State?

What longtime announcer on the TV game show Wheel of Fortune passed away this Halloween in his Los Angeles home?

The "Canary" in Canary Islands refers to what type of animal?

ANSWERS:
1. Jonestown Massacre
2. Battle of Agincourt
3. Texas
4. Charlie O' Donnell
5. Dog

S-N-Hell

I have grown to loathe Saturday Night Live. In the last couple years, the only time the show seems to be funny is when former cast members like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler or Will Ferrell make guest appearances. We'll just throw Betty White in there for good measure, too.

But that's not the only reason I have a dislike for the show now; it's the overcrowded, underwhelming 90 minute debacle that the show has become. Ratings have declined, the show won't have any veteran cast members other than Kenan Thompson after this season, and these things make it clear that they are currently in a rebuilding season.

The show has been in this position many times before, but they haven't really had to deal with rebuilding seasons since the 80s and early 90s. In those cases, the show was often on the verge of cancellation, and series creator Lorne Michaels has stated that there were a few times where he's had to beg for another season and clean house in order to get it.

Right now, SNL needs some consistency, and here's what I'd do as a network exec to get the show back on the right track.

1: Cut the show to 60 minutes.

By the time you've reached the 70 minute mark or so, the only things left are the last musical performance and the goodbye. The opening sketch usually isn't funny and is really only a lead in to the credits. I say we cut everything down. All That, Nickelodeon's popular children's sketch show, wasn't live, but they did everything they needed to do in 30 FRIGGIN MINUTES. They had an opening Green Room sketch, an intro, roughly 5 sketches, and a musical guest. Why can't SNL do all of that in 60 minutes? Basically, the SNL staff takes what Second City Comedy takes months to do in putting a show together, and crams it into a week. To do that effectively week in and week out, you need people that can handle that sort of rigor, and I don't know if the current cast can do that. If I had one or two less sketches each week, and they were shorter, I could probably make them funnier in the long run, since I have more time to work with less. Less is more, people. I'd rather see the cast put together eight funny sketches than thirteen, with only three of them actually being funny.

2: Monitor the celebrity guest

I know that being the celebirty guest comes with some prestige, but it goes farther than I could ever imagine. Apparently the host, along with Lorne Michaels, gets the final say on which sketches will air and which ones won't. That's a lot of power to give to someone who may not be that funny in the first place. I think the position as host of SNL is reward enough that you don't need to give someone that much rope. And then they might not even be funny in their own sketches! Okay, sometimes they are. But what holds true is that more often than not, they aren't funny, and are normally thrown into skits that don't take advantage of their brand of humor. If I'm going to give someone that kind of power, they've got to have a proven comedy repertoire- Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are good examples, Gabourey Sidibe is not.

3: Cut the musical performances to one

The musical guest performs twice, and let's be honest- unless the musical guest is a scantily clad woman, nobody ever watches both performances. Cut it to one, and merge it with the end of the show- that saves time on the back end.

4: Change the show's time.

Why is this show on at 10:30 at night? They do nothing different at 10:30 than what I see on TV two hours before. I know I've been preaching consistency, and this is the least consistent thing I could possibly suggest, since the show has been in this timeslot for years, but if the show airs at that time, I at least want to see or hear something more vulgar. Otherwise, what's the difference in putting the show on at 8 or 9 PM?

I really want to like SNL, but they're trying my patience.