Oh, the money Disney has made over the years from their movies. Noticeable enough, they have made their movie money in three very distinct eras. There was the "Classic Princess" era which gave us Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, and even Fantasia, a marvel for its day. Then there was the "Renaissance Era", where Disney tales became animated musicals, and no doubt paved the way for the current era, the "Pixar Era", which was the single biggest threat to Disney Animation until they bought Pixar in 2006 for $7.4 billion. But in Disney's long and storied history, some of their best films fell between the cracks; many were overshadowed by the glitz of bigger budget films, and some just experienced bad timing.

Before I reveal my picks, let me just say that I wrote this list on my blog back in February. I saved it as a draft, so nobody could see it, but when I came back to this idea just a few days ago, I didn't even bother looking at the old list; rather, I decided to really think about my picks and why I chose them. Funny enough, when I sat down to type this post, I noticed that I had chosen the same five movies as before. The only difference was the order in 3-5, but my 1 and 2 were still the same. So without further ado, here's my list!

#5: Doug's 1st Movie (1999)

When Nickelodeon sold Doug to Disney in 1996, viewers my age were upset. How was Disney going to mangle one of the best Nicktoons ever? Guess what? They didn't, and not only that, they provided two things that Nickelodeon didn't- a movie, and closure. Doug's 1st Movie also doubled as the series finale, it being the last bit of Doug animation to come down the chute. Often times we find that we really don't want the characters in our favorite shows to grow up. But the Disney switch allowed that to happen, and with it came the prospect of growing with the characters. Doug's 1st (and only) Movie may not have been a box office smash, but Disney did a lot with the show that it doesn't get enough credit for, and for that, it earns the #5 spot on my list.

#4: Oliver And Company (1988)

A modern retelling of Dickens' Oliver Twist with stray pets, Oliver and Company was not just a great way to introduce the story to kids, but also can be seen as the first time that Hollywood was brought to Disney. Before Oliver and Company (and even during most of the Renaissance Era), one or two of your main characters would be recognizable names. Past that, Disney used regular voice actors. It wasn't until Pixar came along that Disney films became A-list affairs. But in 1988, this was some cast. Joey Lawrence, Cheech Marin, Bette Midler, Dom Deluise, and Billy Joel topped this cast of misfits. Most importantly, at the time of its release, this was the highest grossing film Disney had put out in TEN YEARS, and thus reaffirmed Disney's confidence in 1989's The Little Mermaid- we all know what happened after that.

#3: A Goofy Movie (1995)

First of all, props to Disney for giving, essentially, a bit character in the classic Disney lineup, a shot at a TV show and a feature length film AND making it work. The follow up to the 1992-93 television series Goof Troop, A Goofy Movie was unique in that it didn't have the traditional "musical" style of Aladdin or Beauty and the Beast; in those two movies, you knew when and how the music was coming. Here, the majority of the music seemed more organic for the situations, and it worked. Just listen to "Open Road" or "Lester's Possum Park", and it just may remind you of some music from a terrible family vacation you erased from your memory until now. Sandwich that between high energy selections from rock/pop star Powerline (Played by Tevin Campbell), and you've got a great soundtrack that doesn't sound forced. I also commend Disney for tackling "real issues". The highs and lows of being a teenager, having embarrassing parents, wanting to do just about anything to be cool and get the girl, etc. Until Pixar (there we go again), Disney really didn't deal with "people" issues- they really only told fairy tales with fairly predictable plot lines. Had they taken more storytelling risks like this back in the day, I think Disney Animation would be in a far different position today.

Besides, You can't go wrong with a dancing Bigfoot.


#2: The Rescuers Down Under (1990)

Remember when I said that Oliver and Company was the highest grossing Disney film in ten years? The Rescuers, a 1977 Disney effort, was the film on the other end of that ten year span. Its sequel, The Rescuers Down Under, takes a very similar plot to the original and reworks it with much better animation (the first of the Disney line to use computer animation for the entire film). Essentially, this is how the films work: There's a secret society of mice called the Rescue Aid Society, complete with anthem, who, from the missions of both movies, seem to be in the business of rescuing kidnapped children. The RAS is made up of a United Nations of mice, who, fittingly enough, assemble in what I assume to be the inside of some wall in the United Nations building. Two of the mice, Bernard and Bianca (from the USA and Hungary, respectively) are elite members of the society, having successfully rescued a young girl in the first movie.

The plot isn't anything to write home about, but everything else seems to shine here. Bob Newhart and Eva Gabor play Bernard and Bianca, and sound EXACTLY the same as they did 13 years prior. Add the quirky voice talents of Frank Welker, John Candy, and George C. Scott, and you've got a great cast. As mentioned before, the animation department comes up with some absolutely stunning visuals, and the masterfully orchestrated soundtrack by Bruce Broughton (seriously, it's playing on my iPad as I type this), and The Rescuers Down Under is a great overall film that suffers from middle child syndrome; Disney had done so well with The Little Mermaid (1989) that they were already looking towards Aladdin (1992)- I think this film got lost in the shuffle at some point, but can hold its own, referenced by the fact that its one of only three Disney Animation Studios sequels to go to theater instead of straight to video.

#1: The Great Mouse Detective (1986)

There really isn't enough for me to say about this movie. I guess I should start here: Through most of the 70s and 80s, Disney Animation was non existent. Save three or four films, all the rest performed poorly at the box office. Animation hadn't been the bread winner for Disney since the 1950s, and with the advent of Disney World in 1971, animation was seriously lacking- it even got to the point where Disney considered shutting the animation studio down altogether and focusing its efforts on the theme parks. Simply put? This film saved Disney Animation. Putting it another way: without this film, there is no Aladdin or Beauty and the Beast. There's no Toy Story, no Cars, no Up, no Wall-E. No Pocahontas, no...okay, you get the point.

Based off that alone, and considering that Disney has banished it to relative obscurity, you could easily see why I would put it at the top of the list. But it's not just that- the story itself was compelling, and ballsy- seriously? Sherlock Holmes with mice? And they expected children to actively watch this movie? It was a risky move, but their assumption that a good story is a good story definitely paid off. It takes the "mice living in a human world, but having their own similar mouse world" concept from The Rescuers, but they take the ball and run with it here.

A relatively unknown actor here in the US, Barrie Ingham played the role of Basil of Baker Street- and he played it well- Basil is constantly at odds with himself- he tries to keep the movie's mission in mind, but catching his nemesis is the goal that eats away at him. Ingham was joined by a relative cast of unknowns, save for Frank Welker and Vincent Price. Vincent Price played the role of Ratigan, the villain, to a T, in all of his Vincent Price-y goodness. Even before the Renaissance Period, where just about every villain was given an "evil" song, Ratigan's was the first- and to this day, is still better than them all. Better than Scar, Ursula, Gaston, or anybody else- Ratigan's tops the list.

The final fight scene of the movie is only the second Disney movie to use CGI, as the fight scene takes place inside of Big Ben. Like I said, a lot of risks were taken to make this movie, and the vast majority of them paid off. It worked out so well that The Great Mouse Detective got a re-release in theaters in 1992, and tends to make its way out of the Disney Vault a bit more frequently than other movies. Overall, though, considering the quality of the movie, its impact on Disney as a whole, and it's relative obscurity, this was definitely my #1 hands down, and considering the quality of movies that Disney puts out now, this could very well stay my #1 for the rest of my life.

WWE's "Supposed" 50 Greatest Wrestlers of All Time

What the hell, WWE? Seriously, this is your list? For those of you who don't know, WWE is putting out a 3 disc set of their 50 greatest wrestlers of all time.

If I put out a list like this, I consider a few different things, since you can't take just the wrestling into consideration:

1- Wrestling ability

2- Mic work/ ability to get over with the fans

3- Overall contribution to pro wrestling, in general

It seems that the WWE has taken my third point and turned it into "people who haven't screwed or left WWE for another company". Cases in point? Take a look at the list:

(1) Shawn Michaels
(2) The Undertaker
(3) “Stone Cold” Steve Austin
(4) Bret Hart
(5) The Rock
(6) Harley Race
(7) Ricky Steamboat
(8) Andre the Giant
(9) Rey Mysterio
(10) “Rowdy” Roddy Piper

(11) Eddie Guerrero
(12) Triple H
(13) Gorgeous George
(14) “Macho Man” Randy Savage
(15) “Mr. Perfect” Curt Hennig
(16) John Cena
(17a) Dusty Rhodes
(17b) Ric Flair
(19) Edge
(20) Jerry “The King” Lawler

(21) Lou Thesz
(22) Terry Funk
(23) Hulk Hogan
(24) Bruno Sammartino
(25) Chris Jericho
(26) Ted DiBiase
(27) Fabulous Moolah
(28) Classy Freddie Blassie
(29) Randy Orton
(30) Pat Patterson

(31) The Iron Sheik
(32) Jimmy Snuka
(33) Mick Foley
(34) Kurt Angle
(35) Buddy Rogers
(36) Gorilla Monsoon
(37) Junkyard Dog
(38) “Superstar” Billy Graham
(39) Jake “The Snake” Roberts
(40) Big Show

(41) Jack Brisco
(42) Sgt. Slaughter
(43) Kane
(44) Nick Bockwinkel
(45) Jeff Hardy
(46) Dory Funk Jr.
(47) Bob Backlund
(48) Rick Rude
(49) Batista
(50) Killer Kowalski

My Notes:

1. Hulk Hogan BARELY made the top half at 23. Sure, Hogan is a no-sell, tired gimmick douchebag. But Hogan was not just a big part of keeping WWE and wrestling relevant in the 80s, his work with the NWO almost put WWE out of business in the 90s.

2. Shawn Michaels is #1? Sorry Mr. Wrestlemania. If I'm taking into account EVERY wrestler for this list, you barely make my Top 10...I can easily put Austin, Rock, Bret Hart, Flair, Hogan, DiBiase and Taker ahead of you. WWE must have made this list on HBK's retirement high. Sure, his last two Wrestlemania matches are arguably 2 of his top 3 matches EVER, but I don't think he's better than the other 49 guys on this list.

3. Mysterio's #9. Rey, I love you, but your wrestling, especially against 300-400 pound guys, is nowhere near believable, nor have your finishers ever made me go "ooh, that probably could really hurt in real life". You weigh a buck sixty wet. Sure, it could be that the WWE wants wrestling style diversity on this list, but this screams of "lure the Hispanic viewers into buying our stuff" more than anything else. If that's the real truth, WWE should be ashamed.

4. Read my lips- Kurt Angle (34) was one of the top four wrestlers of the ENTIRE 2000s, along with Austin, The Rock, and Triple H. He was probably the most complete package of that entire era. Even with all of these great wrestlers, he's still deserving of the top half of this list, at the very least.

5. Worst of all, and the most outright snub, is that you have Ric Flair and Dusty Rhodes SHARING #17. Flair should be Top 10, hands down. Not only do you bump him spots, but you make him share? That's just outright indignance on the WWE's end.

WWE, I know that it must feel shitty to have wrestlers go work for other promotions. But this is like a girl breaking up with a picture of her boyfriend after he already dumped her. It's petty, it's shameful, and it's a slap in the face to all those who worked their asses off for the business, not just WWE.

Add people, comments or whatever. I've said my piece for now.

When Mall Stores Go Bad

I love the atmosphere of a mall. The hustle and bustle, the energy that people have just by knowing it's a lazy Saturday afternoon (way to contradict myself!), and the carefree nature of shoppers without a purpose makes it a fun place to be. I've been to many malls over the years and have found offense with a few of them- most of my gripes are directed toward the purpose of these stores, not necessarily the stores themselves. So, in no particular order, here are the stores, in no particular order, that are highest up on my list of irritating stores.

1. Sunglass Hut

Ooh, upscale. Still doesn't change the fact that there are 13 inches of snow outside, and unless Little Miss Socialite is visiting town, nobody in Minneapolis wears sunglasses in this weather.

Let's be honest- unless you live in a constantly sunny environment, this place has no relevance from September until May. So explain this to me- why does every Chicago mall have a kiosk dedicated to this anomaly? I mean, doesn't paying a year's worth of rent in places like Chicago do something to their bottom line financially? Doesn't anybody at the company notice this? Who knows- maybe the bigwigs at Sunglass Hut are wearing figurative shades. All I know is that I've seen some extremely bored salespeople at Sunglass Hut during this time of year around my parts.

2. White Barn Candle Company

WHAT? THIS CANDLE COST ME EIGHTEEN BUCKS? Oh....it really does smell like a vanilla cookie.

The one thing it seems that malls are good at is constructing stores that sell only one item and attracting idiots to the mall to purchase it. This is the case with White Barn Candle. To make matters worse, these candles are overpriced- they cost like twenty bucks apiece! With the money that people spend here, they could actually pay their electric bill or buy some Lysol to mask their apparent residential odors.

3. Claire's

I wonder if they pierce ears here....

Another niche store, but at least it's cheap. Every mall has one no matter how desolate the mall is, and the only reason people go is for the free ear piercings. It's irritating because I see 14 year-old Bieber wannabes shamefully go there to get their ears pierced, but that makes it kinda funny, too.

4. Finish Line/Champs/Footlocker/FootAction

Let's be honest- you wouldn't know which one it was if the huge Foot Locker sign wasn't hanging there.

It seems that there's some sort of mandate that every mall has to have at least three of these four shoe stores. I understand that if there's only one, they can potentially jack up the prices, but that's beyond the point here. The three of these stores all look the same, and for the most part, are selling the exact same shoes, playing the same music, and playing the same tired music videos and basketball mixtapes on their screens. Even that I don't mind. What really irks me is the fact that most of these stores have given me bad service. I've seen everything from employees talking back to eye rolling when I ask for another size. It wouldn't surprise me if they were all owned by the same entity like, oh, say, BET?

5. Abercrombie and Fitch

Unless you're part of a local Polar Bear club, you probably shouldn't be shirtless in winter. Someone relay that message to this guy.

This store irritates me the worst because it does it on a personal level- it's everything that the store seems to stand for. Same uniformity as the shoe stores, but it's irritating for other reasons. This store is one of the most whitewashed in mall history, ranking right up there with Hollister, Ruehl, and American Eagle. It's a shame too, because they have a lot of pretty good clothes there...and why is there always a shirtless guy in one of the posters? I can understand summer, but winter? When he's posing in a snowy forest? Sorry sir- I think I'll put on a sweater this season.

What I don't understand is how 14 year olds can go into a store whose prices are that high and come out with bags and bags of clothes. I'm not against parents allowing to give their kids a comfortable living- I hope to do that for my kids one day. But comfortable living does not mean that 13 year old Madison should be able to waltz into A&F with her mother's credit card and buy a bunch of $58 polos and $89 jeans without hesitating.

I will say this- pumping cologne into the vents is a nice touch- the amount is a little much, but I will admit that with a more "discrete" scent (i.e. one not smelling of shirtless douchebag), it's a pretty good idea.

6. Day To Day Calendar Company

Excuse me? I need a Peanuts calendar, a datebook, a Bathroom Facts Day To Day pull off, and one of the ones with the nekkid ladies in it.

Don't act like you don't know about this store. Usually around this time of year, they set up shop in the old Sam Goody that's been closed for 6 years (you know your mall never actually found a replacement for it) for about two months and sell all sorts of themed calendars. That's all well and good, but there's a problem: THEY ACT LIKE THEY DON'T WANT TO MAKE ANY FUCKING MONEY. Let's take a look see here. Most of the time, they stay open through the first couple days of January. The problem, though, is that they slash their prices by more than half when they reopen after Christmas. Why is that? Nobody gives calendars as gifts, so why not wait until after the new year has started to cut prices- it's not like the product is about to expire or anything. Besides, most people don't even realize that they need a new calendar/plan book until AFTER the new year comes in. This is really bad strategy on the part of the calendar store. Just terrible.

7. McDonald's

There are so many other great Trans-fat laden options to go with.
Everybody in their right mind knows Sbarro > McDonald's.

Your mall has a Great Steak and Potato, a Mrs. Fields, a Hot Dog on a Stick, an Auntie Anne's, and A GODDAMN SBARRO, AND YOU CHOOSE TO EAT AT McDONALD'S? Crawl in a hole somewhere. Nothing against McDonald's, but when I'm in a mall, I want to eat at mall franchises, not some evil franchise who has no place being there. You will never find me eating at a mall's Taco Bell, McDonald's, Burger King, etc. anytime soon.

So what did I miss? What other stores make you scratch your head? Post your suggestions in the box below or email me at jeremynelson1987@gmail.com- if there are enough, I'll compile a Reader's Edition!

The Internet, Circa 1969

One of my first blog posts was a look at how incredibly accurately Arthur C. Clarke predicted the iPad in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Well today, I come to you with a video Daily Double- this video shows the uses of a computer-specifically, some mockups of what appear to be predictions of online shopping, online banking, and video surveillance (Skype?). I don't know what the source of this video is, but since this device obviously wasn't available for sale, I'm guessing that the video came from either a science expo or a documentary television show.

Note the husband's reaction when he sees the bills from his wife's purchases- it's priceless.

Count Chocula in Same Position Since 1971, Longs to be More Than a Count

Oh, Count Chocula...how much longer must you be a Count before you get your due? Since 1971 when you got your promotion from Viscount (pronounced v-eye-count, not as a rhyme with discount) to Count, you seem to be in some sort of career purgatory. I think you deserve a promotion. I mean, how many boxes of Count Chocula cereal have you sold over the past 40 years? Thousands? Millions? Billions? The world will never know....

Why don't we figure out what's holding you back? I mean, you should have had what- at least three promotions by now, right? So here's what we should do- let's envision you with new titles...maybe that will motivate you to go for that promotion. In this world, Counts are kinda looked down upon. I mean, look at what happened to Jerry- he got complacent, and now he's stuck in that dead end job over on Sesame Street! Every time I go over there to visit, his breath reeks of vodka and herring; let's not even talk about the molestation rumors.

So, let's see what positions should be waiting down the pipe... Margrave Chocula- well, it doesn't sound great, but it's a transitional job, I guarantee you! A transition right into...Marquess Chocula? That whole level has got to be transitional- after you get past Marquess, you'll be....INFANTE CHOCULA? You sound like The Count's cocaine supplier!

Okay....Prince Chocula is next. That's pretty cool. You can dig that, right? NO?!?!? Why not? Oh....you know what? Screw your brother- just because he's King Chocula doesn't make you his bitch if you become Prince. You still get to have sex with lingerie models and ride around in fan- okay, we'll move on.

Alright, Duke Chocula. Sounds like you take 'roids and fist pump on the Jersey Shore. Grand Prince and Grand Duke sound like you belong to the KKK, so at least there's Archduke, right?

NO! NO! The only way you could become King Chocula is if you kill your brother...and we all know you don't have the balls or the stomach to do that. You know what? Keep peddling your cereal- you're probably better off that way. No....stop crying. He's crying now. Oh, come on. You know what? Let's go see Jerry. Maybe he has some more of those uppers you like so much.

Yep, I said it. The Count's real name is Jerry. Jerry Berman. You can quote me on that.

Cheap Army Men and Glow Sticks

Ah, the pizza arcade. The hotbed for children!s birthday parties and broken dreams. When I was a kid, I was lucky enough to have birthday parties at two of the best pizza arcades I've ever been to. That, combined with my having been to a slew of birthday parties, I've had my fair share of battles with the games at these places. In a nutshell, these places are like kiddie casinos, with kids paying money to play games of random chance and skill, winning tickets that can be traded in for worthless prizes that eventually litter the bottom of your toy box. The goodie bags you got at these parties often had more valuable stuff in them.

I, along with thousands of kids, have racked up tons of tickets. In some cases, we've saved from birthday party to birthday party, hoping that we earn enough to buy whatever the top prize was. In my youth, there was a signed Michael Jordan poster that took 20,000 tickets to buy. Soon, these places began offering Xboxes and Playstations that not only would take you 2 years worth of your parents salary to get, but by the time you had enough tickets, the Playstation 4 would be nearing the end of its life cycle.

Basically, I've had a lot of broken dreams. Simply put, if these machines took over the world, they'd screw the children first. So today, I take a look back at the games which shaped and ultimately crushed my childhood dreams of winning a large, overstuffed Marvin the Martian replica:

1: Wheel 'M In

Despite the fact that this game paid out a bunch of tickets, I HATED it. Basically, you'd shoot a coin onto this conveyor belt. It would have to land EXACTLY on one of the colored ticket strips painted on the belt, or you'd win nothing. If your coin was just a little off, the machine wouldn't cut you any slack. To make things worse, the Uncle Pennybags-meets-creepy uncle at the top of the machine would taunt you and say something like "Missed it by that much!". What an arrogant bastard.


The company has come out with a new version of the machine to swindle a new generation of ticket hunters called Wheel 'M In Extreme. It's the same game play, which, in turn, probably induces the same punch-a-hole-in-the-glass feeling deep in my gut.


2: Colorama

Colormama was made by Bromley, the same company who produced Wheel 'M In, so you know there's some sort of scam going on here. Colorama was the most thinly veiled way to bring the roulette wheel to the pizza arcade. You'd put a coin in and bet on which colored section a small bouncy ball would land in. Each colored section was a different size; the smaller the section, the more tickets it would pay out if you bet on it and won. This is probably the fairest game on my list, but that's not saying much. On top of that, when the wheel would spin, the machine would break into poetic verse, spouting "Round and round and round it goes// Where it stops, Nobody knows!" Actually, yeah, you do. You know goddamn well where it stops. Because you're a fucking machine with a twisted computer brain."

3: Progressive Skee Ball

Now don't get me wrong- I love Skee Ball- it's one of my favorite games in the arcade to this day and will probably be the first thing I buy for my future rumpus room (I just wanted to say rumpus room)! But Progressive Skee Ball is a bastard. The premise is that there's a bank of Skee Ball machines, all connected to this one ticket jackpot. To win the jackpot, you have to hit a really high target score (which is usually damn near a perfect game). Every few unsuccessful jackpot attempts raises the jackpot until someone hits it or the arcade shuts down for the day, at which point the jackpot resets to a paltry 200 tickets, or something like that. If this system sounds familiar, it is- it's the same one that casinos use for slot jackpots.

4: Cyclone
Alright, now everyone has played this game before. I've dropped more coin in this machine than most people ever will, and I'll tell you what- I have NEVER won the jackpot. NEVER. You see those two arches right in front of that button? The object is to stop a rotating light (seen here near the pink arches) in between your arches by hitting your button.

I hate this game. With a passion. I used to mindlessly drop tokens in this one just hoping to win. Then, once I began to see how rigged this game was, I dropped more tokens in, eventually hoping to win just to spite the machine. Yes, I said it- to spite a MACHINE. If Wheel 'M In didn't make me crazy, this game did.

5: Coin Pushers

Every pizza arcade had them, but nobody ever quite understands how they work. I'll tell you- shitty. That's how they work. You basically drop coins down a Plinko-like wall, and they work their way across a pusher. In essence, you're hoping your coin is the one that causes some of those coins on the edge to fall off. You win those coins that fall off (and in the case of cheaper arcades, you get a couple tickets for each coin instead. Unfortunately, no matter the theme of the machine- whether it's outer space themed, music themed, or even Price is Right themed (yep, there's one of those), you never win a goddamned thing. Only one of every 60 million people has lived to tell their happy ending with these gold coin stealing whores.

6: Any Kiddie Machines

Technically, all of the machines on my list are kiddie machines, but I mean the ones that are for the kids who are too young to ever know what they hell they're doing. The smaller basketball machines with a 2 foot hoop, the Bozo Buckets machine, and a couple others fit this category. If you were 10 or 11, you thought you found a way to cheat these machines- you'd rack your score up to like 58,000 and you got rewarded with a paltry 7 tickets, since that's the ceiling that the operators set for it. Dejected, you went back to playing big kid machines, since the effort definitely wasn't worth the reward.


So, after winning Army men with faulty parachutes, half opened Warhead candies, the occasional Whoopie Cushion, and a few temporary tattoos, I can't say I didn't have a good time. But I would have been a lot happier with a bunch of stuff that ultimately, would have been cheaper had I bought it at retail price.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

What a Day...What a Place!

If you've been reading this blog, you've learned a lot about me thus far. Here's something else you may not know about me; I am a HUGE fan of jingles, especially those written in the 70s, 80s, and 90s. I'm also a fan of theme parks. So it comes as no surprise that I am a big fan of Great America's commercials from the late 70s-mid 80s.

Business Bite: Six Flags Great America was once half of a twin set; back in 1976, Marriott, the hotel chain, decided to construct a theme park franchise, starting with three locations- Santa Clara California, Gurnee Illinois, and Washington DC. Santa Clara and Gurnee were built, but Washington D.C. was not.

By 1984, the Gurnee park had been sold to the Six Flags park chain, who still owns it to this day; the Santa Clara park went through messy negotiations with a proposed sale of the park to the city itself. It. was finally sold to Kings Entertainment, which would eventually be engulfed by Paramount Parks. Now, it is owned by Cedar Fair, the company who owns the famous Cedar Point theme park.

Enough history. Check out the videos, more so for the jingles, but the video as whole brings them together. This is pure 70s/80s cheese, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Commercials have gotten into such a habit of using music from established artists that it seems that the art of the jingle is lost on marketing execs nowadays. I still think that a well placed jingle beats out any Billboard 100 hit inserted in a commercial.

Whatever Happened To...Orange Julius?

Today, I will begin a new series here on this blog which discovers what became of history's most prized relics. So it should come as no surprise that my first entry in this series is THE mall mainstay- Orange Julius.

A vacant Orange Julius still carrying the sea green, bronze, and white color scheme which made it a 1980s mainstay.

Founded in 1926 by Julius Freed, an Orange Julius is a frothy orange drink which includes oranges, milk, sugar, and ice cubes. Freed's broker came up with the long-standing recipe, as the original recipe was too acidic and upset his stomach. After introducing the new recipe, people started asking for the "Orange Julius", and the company's profits increased fivefold. In 1964, the Orange Julius was even named the official drink of the 1964 New York World's Fair.

The 1970s would make Orange Julius a staple in malls across the country, and it would stay that way for the next 30 years or so. Your mall wasn't complete unless you had an Orange Julius.

But sometime in the 2000s, The Julius started disappearing in malls, eventually just "dying off" for a short time. What happened?

Well, back in 1987, Dairy Queen purchased the Orange Julius franchise, eventually adding DQ menu items to most freestanding Orange Julius stands. Now, you can find Orange Julius menu items at most Dairy Queens, some even carrying the OJ moniker. The brand has also been selling a premium line of smoothies since 2004 as to compete with the likes of Smoothie King and Jamba Juice.

A DQ / Orange Julius mashup seen here; the malls may be devoid of Orange Julius, but its spirit lives on here.

Got an relic of old that you'd like for me to unearth? Send your request to jeremynelson1987@gmail.com, or post in the comment box!

Arthur C. Clarke, You Da Bomb!

This is my first blog post fully composed and researched on my iPad, so I thought it would be fitting to write a blog entry related to the device.

Remember the old Miss Cleo infomercials? I do. They were so funny. But past Miss Cleo demoing how she could identify the fathers of many babies, the best part of each commercial would be where some female caller would say "Miss Cleo, you da bomb!".

Miss Cleo may have been able to solve Maury Povich-esque matters, but Arthur C. Clarke, author of 2001: A Space Odyssey, had a much more accurate and relevant premonition concerning technology of our time. Although he was about 7 years off in the title, this description of a device in the novel could very well be attributed to the Kindle or the iPad:


“When he tired of official reports and memoranda and minutes, he would plug in his foolscap-size newspad into the ship’s information circuit and scan the latest reports from Earth.


One by one he would conjure up the world’s major electronic papers…Switching to the display unit’s short-term memory, he would hold the front page while he quickly searched the headlines and noted the items that interested him. Each had its own two-digit reference; when he punched that, the postage-stamp-size rectangle would expand until it neatly filled the screen and he could read it with comfort. When he had finished, he would flash back to the complete page and select a new subject for detailed examination.


Floyd sometimes wondered if the Newspad, and the fantastic technology behind it, was the last word in man's quest for perfect communications. Here he was, far out in space, speeding away from Earth at thousands of miles an hour, yet in a few milliseconds he could see the headlines of any newspaper he pleased. (That very word "newspaper," of course, was an anachronistic hangover into the age of electronics.) The text was updated automatically on every hour; even if one read only the English versions, one could spend an entire lifetime doing nothing but absorbing the ever-changing flow of information from the news satellites.


It was hard to imagine how the system could be improved or made more convenient. But sooner or later, Floyd guessed, it would pass away, to be replaced by something as unimaginable as the Newspad itself would have been to Caxton or Gutenberg. ”

Note how freakishly accurate Clarke was with the description of what sounds more like an iPad than a Kindle, and his coining the term Newspad. I use the Wall Street Journal app on my iPad, and that is a pretty dead on description of the app. Even Safari, Apple's default web browser, fits that bill pretty comfortably. That is pretty unreal.

Many years ago, somewhere in the lineage of records, 8 tracks, and cassettes, American Bandstand emcee Dick Clark made a statement saying that one day in the future, people would not only be able to easily take their entire music collections anywhere they went, but would be able to pick and choose whatever music they wanted to listen to on their car stereos. That statement became true with the advent of MP3 players and satellite radios, but Arthur Clarke made his prediction farther back in the past with incredible accuracy. For that, I must say, Arthur C. Clarke, You Da Bomb!

Mega Monster Aggro Showcase

One of my favorite parts of being a game show fan is watching how other countries pull off variants of shows in the US. For example, Family Feud in England gave away cars long before we did. Jeopardy! in England has an interesting twist where the contestants never see each others scores, so wagering on Daily Doubles and Final Jeopardy! is more strategic. Even Wheel of Fortune in France has a shopping wedge that allows contestants $2000 to spend in a vintage Wheel shopping/Price is Right minigame. But the best change that any foreign show has made, by far, is The Price is Right in Australia. Their Showcase round looks like this:

Instead of the final two contestants bidding on their own showcases, they go head to head trying to figure the price of ONE showcase. One player guesses the price, and the host says whether the actual price is higher or lower. The other player then goes, and we go back and forth like this until someone hits the price on the nose. Then this huge board rotates on the turntable, and the player must place the prizes in order from lowest to highest. If they do, they win the showcase (and in some variants, a six figure cash prize or a $500,000 condo in prime time). Usually, the game is won or lost on prizes 3, 4 and 5, but if the contestant wants to stop, the host offers a cash bailout if the contestant doesn't feel confident (we've seen these go up to $20,000 in some cases). It's exciting, it's tense, and it is perfect. 

Hey, Fremantle? If you ever decide to syndicate The Price is Right again, use this format for the showcase. It's budget friendly, suspenseful, and allows you to offer a boatload of prizes. Just my 2 cents.