So I was the Black Power Ranger for Halloween this year, and as always, it was a last minute, half baked costume. Normally I come up with this elaborate, awesome idea for a costume each year that I'm so convinced I'll put all of my time and energy into. This year, I was going to be the Shuffle Bot from the LMFAO music videos, complete with cardboard box helmet, gold track suit, and accompanying chain. Then I convinced myself that I could do without the chains....then the gold track suit became a black track jacket and jeans...and the cardboard helmet became a brown paper bag. I totally failed on an idea that I spent two months talking about. Now I had no costume.

Then I saw a Black Ranger t-shirt at Hot Topic that I was convinced I needed. Light bulb on. Hallelujah. Unfortunately, the store only sold pink and red ranger masks. Since they were on clearance anyway, I decided to pick one up and make it a black ranger mask with some magic marker magic. Halfway through, the mask looked pretty badass the way it was already colored.

What do you guys think? Should I have kept the mask the way it was, or was I right in coloring the whole thing black?

Count Chocula in Same Position Since 1971, Longs to be More Than a Count

Oh, Count Chocula...how much longer must you be a Count before you get your due? Since 1971 when you got your promotion from Viscount (pronounced v-eye-count, not as a rhyme with discount) to Count, you seem to be in some sort of career purgatory. I think you deserve a promotion. I mean, how many boxes of Count Chocula cereal have you sold over the past 40 years? Thousands? Millions? Billions? The world will never know....

Why don't we figure out what's holding you back? I mean, you should have had what- at least three promotions by now, right? So here's what we should do- let's envision you with new titles...maybe that will motivate you to go for that promotion. In this world, Counts are kinda looked down upon. I mean, look at what happened to Jerry- he got complacent, and now he's stuck in that dead end job over on Sesame Street! Every time I go over there to visit, his breath reeks of vodka and herring; let's not even talk about the molestation rumors.

So, let's see what positions should be waiting down the pipe... Margrave Chocula- well, it doesn't sound great, but it's a transitional job, I guarantee you! A transition right into...Marquess Chocula? That whole level has got to be transitional- after you get past Marquess, you'll be....INFANTE CHOCULA? You sound like The Count's cocaine supplier!

Okay....Prince Chocula is next. That's pretty cool. You can dig that, right? NO?!?!? Why not? Oh....you know what? Screw your brother- just because he's King Chocula doesn't make you his bitch if you become Prince. You still get to have sex with lingerie models and ride around in fan- okay, we'll move on.

Alright, Duke Chocula. Sounds like you take 'roids and fist pump on the Jersey Shore. Grand Prince and Grand Duke sound like you belong to the KKK, so at least there's Archduke, right?

NO! NO! The only way you could become King Chocula is if you kill your brother...and we all know you don't have the balls or the stomach to do that. You know what? Keep peddling your cereal- you're probably better off that way. No....stop crying. He's crying now. Oh, come on. You know what? Let's go see Jerry. Maybe he has some more of those uppers you like so much.

Yep, I said it. The Count's real name is Jerry. Jerry Berman. You can quote me on that.

The Three Towers of Trivia, October 27

Hey! Well, here's the final set for this week:

A former executive at what cell phone company recently said that manufacturers who use Android are like Finnish boys who "pee in their pants" for warmth in the winter?

A museum in what city recently held a contest whose winner would get to live at the museum for an entire month?

What product's commercials, featuring people who solved problems like broken heels and wet paint on suits, always ended with the line "The Freshmaker"?

What Constitutional amendment gives you the right to a speedy trial?

IT'S TIME FOR AN EXTRA HALLOWEEN CANDY BONUS!!!!!!!!!!

According to a recent study by USA Today, parents eat what percent of their children's Halloween candy? (It's not an off kilter number, like 13 or 81.)

In the General Mills Monster Cereal line, Count Chocula is the most popular of the three remaining ghouls, Name his two cohorts who usually have their own cereals during the Halloween season.

In the Halloween film series, Michael Myers' mask is molded in the shape of what celebrity?

ANSWERS
1. Nokia
2. Chicago
3. Mentos
4. 6th Amendment
5. 50%
6. Boo Berry and Frankenberry
7. William Shatner