Why don't we figure out what's holding you back? I mean, you should have had what- at least three promotions by now, right? So here's what we should do- let's envision you with new titles...maybe that will motivate you to go for that promotion. In this world, Counts are kinda looked down upon. I mean, look at what happened to Jerry- he got complacent, and now he's stuck in that dead end job over on Sesame Street! Every time I go over there to visit, his breath reeks of vodka and herring; let's not even talk about the molestation rumors.
So, let's see what positions should be waiting down the pipe... Margrave Chocula- well, it doesn't sound great, but it's a transitional job, I guarantee you! A transition right into...Marquess Chocula? That whole level has got to be transitional- after you get past Marquess, you'll be....INFANTE CHOCULA? You sound like The Count's cocaine supplier!
Okay....Prince Chocula is next. That's pretty cool. You can dig that, right? NO?!?!? Why not? Oh....you know what? Screw your brother- just because he's King Chocula doesn't make you his bitch if you become Prince. You still get to have sex with lingerie models and ride around in fan- okay, we'll move on.
Alright, Duke Chocula. Sounds like you take 'roids and fist pump on the Jersey Shore. Grand Prince and Grand Duke sound like you belong to the KKK, so at least there's Archduke, right?
NO! NO! The only way you could become King Chocula is if you kill your brother...and we all know you don't have the balls or the stomach to do that. You know what? Keep peddling your cereal- you're probably better off that way. No....stop crying. He's crying now. Oh, come on. You know what? Let's go see Jerry. Maybe he has some more of those uppers you like so much.
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| Yep, I said it. The Count's real name is Jerry. Jerry Berman. You can quote me on that. |
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