Near the beginning of the NFL playoffs, I stumbled upon one of the most entertaining Twitter accounts I'd seen in a while. His name? NFLJesus. There's no name attached to the account (obviously), but his tweets are all in the style of bible verses; he just takes out the religious stuff and replaces it with NFL players and concepts. He's a little Jets heavy on the bible tweets, so I imagine he lives somewhere in the New York area. Anyhoo, have a laugh and take a look below:

On Tiki Barber coming out of retirement: "Tiki, at the age of forty thou must retire from thy regular service and work no longer." Numbers 8:25

Green Bay wins the Super Bowl: "Mine eyes shall be upon the faithful of Green Bay; thy Packers shall walk in the grace of the Lord." Psalms 101:6

Jay Cutler's NFC Championship Game Injury: "Brace thyself like a man Cutler; I will question you, and thou shall answer me, and truth shall be heard by all" Job 40:7

On Steelers LB James Harrison's helmet to helmet hit: "James of Harrison; thou shall suffer penalty for your roughness and bear the consequences for thy sins of helmet-to-helmet." Ezekiel 23:49

NFL Lockout: "Give us aid against the Lockout, for a Commissioner's help is worthless." Psalm 108:12

"Arise, Lord! Deliver me, my God! Strike all NFL Owners on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked Goodell." Psalm 3:7

Brett Favre: "He that winketh with the eye causeth sorrow; But a prating fool shall fall. Favre be thy name." Proverbs 10:10

Here are just a few other random gems from the account:

"For Akers thy Kicker will fail thee, destroy thee, forget the covenant of thy fathers which he sware unto them." Deuteronomy 4:31

"Woe unto the Colts! For they ran riotously in error of Peyton for hire, and perished in the gainsaying of Revis." Jude 1:11, #nyj

"So @Rex_Ryan brought him into his house, and gave the horses fodder; and they washed their feet, and did eat and drink." Judges 19:21 #nyj

"D'Brickashaw, my rock, in him will I take refuge; My shield, my high tower & my refuge; thou savest me from violence." 2 Samuel 22:3,


Assuming that the 2011-2012 season is still happening, I will be following this guy on Twitter every Sunday. What about you?

Two Tiers in a Bucket

Revolutionary changes are on the horizon for the NFL. They are addressing safety concerns (even if their concern rivals that of an overprotective mother), a new CBA is on the horizon, and there's a very good chance that the league will extend play to 18 games in the near future. But one thing that I wish the league would do is create a two tiered system like in British Football.

In a tiered league, you have the top half of teams playing in one division, while the lower half play in another. At the end of each season (or a cycle of seasons in some cases), the best teams in the bottom league replace the worst teams in the top league. The promotion/demotion system forces teams to play their best year round, especially those who play in the upper league and fear demotion.

There are 32 teams in the NFL. What you do is you put the top 16 teams in the upper conference and the other half in the bottom. For the sake of things needing names, we'll call the upper conference Tier 1 and the lower conference Tier 2. You play each team in your tier once, which is 15 games, and you play 3 opponents in the other tier, supporting the league's goal to move to an 18 game season. Playoff spots go to the top 8 Tier 1 teams, and the Top 4 Tier 2 teams would act as Wild Cards in the current system, playing teams 5-8 in the Wild Card playoff week. In soccer, Tier 2 teams can only look forward to getting promoted, as the overall championship is only for Tier 1 teams. At least in my system, any team can make it to the Superbowl, allowing fans to make a fain investment in their team since they're not doomed from the start.

At the end of each season, the top 6 Tier 2 teams move up into Tier 1, where they replace the 6 worst teams there. This makes teams more responsible to the welfare of the game, and not to obtaining a high draft spot. People will be more apt to ask their teams "Why can't we get promoted and not just "Why don't we make the playoffs?" Tiering gives teams another way to take small steps toward becoming a better team. Instead of having to make goals that are three season away (like taking a cellar team to the playoffs), a smaller, yet more achievable goal in the short run would be to earn one of the 6 spots into Tier 1.

A two tiered system would also make it easier for more markets to enter the NFL, as the system would allow any competent market to enter Tier 2, even if just on a 5 year trial basis. Instead of having to re-do schedules and restructure divisions, all you have to do is add a team into Tier 2. For every pair of teams that enter the league (and this wouldn't happen very often), you even the number of teams in each tier. Schedule-wise, the tier with the extra team plays one less inter-league game. The league requires a 65,000 stadium seat minimum for a team to be considered for entry into the NFL, but there is no reason why Toronto and Los Angeles should not have NFL teams now. A more open league entry policy would make this system really work, but knowing the NFL, the interest always have been and always will be those of the owners. No commissioner is going to have balls to stand up to the owners and say "Hey, this is about creating a competitive environment for all parties involved, not making you a truckload of money." Somewhere along the way, the love of the sport got lost in the mix, and the NFL has lost its way.

So...it's like Dungeons and Dragons?

Ryan: Dave, yo ass ain't gonna win a game with all those running backs!
Dave: Just wait and see.
Me: Dave, yo ass ain't gonna win the whole thing anyway.

Welcome to Draft Day of our Fantasy Football League. This is my first year playing, and I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

Let's get this straight; I made fun of guys who played Fantasy Football. A lot. I loved using this joke that I had heard a few years back In a comedian competition:

"Isn't Fantasy Football Dungeons and Dragons for the people who made fun of people who played Dungeons and Dragons?"

That was my perception of it for the longest time. I thought it was the dumbest thing ever...until I tried it myself.

Fantasy Football, in a nutshell, is like this: You are the owner/coach of your very own football team, made up of teams in a league you create with friends, family, and/or passing acquaintances. Before the start of the the NFL season, your league has a draft made up of every NFL offensive player, plus each defense/special team as a collective unit. You draft players and defenses, who then gain or lose points based off their real-life performances each week. You have more players than slots on your game day roster, so you can rearrange your lineup weekly, as well as make trades, cut players, and sign free agents. Each week, your roster plays against another's with whoever gaining the most Fantasy Points picking up the W.

So much for a nutshell.

Anyways, I've been hooked. My cousin Ryan invited me to play in his league, and I'm sitting here on a Sunday, watching my Springfield Skyhawks, led by Peyton Manning, taking on Team Grabowski, who is currently nursing a 5 point lead. All I need is for Manning to have a superb day, and I improve to 1-1. The week prior, my team had the third highest point total, but sadly was matched up against the highest scoring team that week.

Fantasy Football is not an obsession of mine, but I can see how this turns players into obsessive, hardcore league owners. Football, like soccer in Europe, is a very loyal sport. People stick with one team for their whole lives in many cases, although the only football team that has even come close to a European level of hooliganism is the Oakland Raiders. Fantasy Football gives its players a more invested interest in the league, not just their team. I'd actually recommend that women who want to impress their men with football stats join a league and keep up with it regularly.

Even better, it allows you to root for your Fantasy team without actually rooting for a real NFL team to do well. I'm a lifelong Chicago Bears fan, and I want them to win, regardless of my FFL numbers, but I do want other players to perform well. I don't care whether the Colts win or lose, but I do care when Peyton Manning puts up 300 yards and 4 touchdowns. After all, he's my main QB. Brett Favre is my backup (imagine that!).

Winning an losing is so important that people spend hours during the week rearranging their lineups, downloading FFL podcasts, and proposing mammoth trades. I am slowly, but surely, becoming one of these people. I noticed myself spending an hour signing free agents and playing around with my starting lineup. Thank God this only lasts for 10 weeks and a playoffs!

Anyways, Peyton Manning put forth a valiant effort, nailing me 22 points, but no luck. Team Grabowski still ended up beating me by 3 points. I am now 0-2. If I'm going to make the playoffs, I need to put more work into this team!

Now about those Fantasy Baseball assholes...