So every Wednesday after my Public Relations class, three of my classmates and I go to a bar near campus called Mowie's. We never order more than a drink or two each, but we're at the point where we know our server by name, and we basically sit at the same table every time, if not the one next to it. We vent about problems with classes, work, personal life, and whatever else we need to get off our chests. Surprisingly enough, although we vent at this bar, a fairly public place, very little of what we say actually ends up leaving the bar. We're a tight knit group, and considering the pressure of grad school and the job that comes with us being public service interns, I think a support group would be a great way to help first year interns cope with everything.
One Wednesday after talking about and dealing with our problems, we get on the subject of rape. I don't remember how; I think it was because of a story one of my classmates had heard, but bear with me here. So we eventually get to the comment that ends most rape conversations- "I don't care what happened- she didn't deserve to get raped!"
Hold it right there.
I told my classmates (two girls and one guy, by the way) that the girl in the story may very well have deserved it- maybe not in the sense that they were talking about, but let's rewind the story back. At this point, my female cohorts were horrified that I may even consider that this girl deserved to be raped.
I don't think that anyone deserves to get raped, or for anything bad to happen to anybody; however, when someone knowingly puts themselves in a bad situation, I can't think otherwise. Rewind the tape slowly, and the answers are right there.
My mother always used a quote from The Lord's Prayer- "Lead them not into temptation", meaning that you don't want to put yourself in a situation where bad things can happen to you, no matter how enticing things are. If you have a gambling problem and there's a casino on your way to and from work, take another route to get to work. Sure the casino route may even be shorter, but eliminating the temptation is the most important thing. In this situation, if I blow my entire check, I don't think that the casino is going to get 100% of the blame. You know that in the end, they want your money; you have no choice but to shoulder some of that blame for even going in.
Let's take a look at a situation that happens more often than is shed light on. A rowdy fraternity house has a "costume party", which, as we all know, is code for having girls dress as sluttily as possible without having to be called a slut- since, of couse, every other girl at the party is dressed like her. Although they've done their best to keep it under wraps, reports have crept in that this specific frat house has molested- possibly raped girls at some of their other parties. Yet and still, not only do these girls go to the party, but they dress like sluts. You're going to put 100% of the blame on the guy who raped her? Not really- nobody paid attention to the fact that her outfit is super tight in all the right places, she was flirting with the guy all night, and she left her drink long enough for a guy to roofie it. Did she deserve to get raped? Probably not. Did she properly take control of a situation she knew about in the first place? Absolutely not. If you don't take proper precautions to stop a bad situation from happening, I believe you have to shoulder some of the blame. He deserves to go to jail, but she shouldn't get off without some harsh words (preferably from Judge Judy), either.
We've all seen on the news how people get killed in bad neighborhoods, even when they're just passing through. Some of those people had never been in these neighborhoods before, but they still pass through anyway. It's not like bad neighborhoods all look like the nice part of Manhattan; you can spot a bad neighborhood from a mile away. But when you pass through- especially at night, don't you have to shoulder some of the blame if you get killed? Sure, it's meaningless violence, but when you put yourself in that situation, you should know the risk. Let's just say I pass through a place like that and get shot in the arm. When my parents get to the hospital, the first thing they'll ask is why I was in that area in the first place. No matter my excuse, they'd probably ask why I didn't just find a safer route.
Accountability and awareness are two huge factors when placing blame on both parties in a situation- what knowledge did both parties have before a situation, and what did they do to eliminate or elevate the amound of danger in a situation? I agree that the offender in a situation deserves most of the blame in any case. But I'll be damned if the victim knowingly puts themselves in a situation and can't somehow "deserve" it. Maybe not fully, but to say they aren't at fault in any way gives them way too much credit.
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